Intimacy vs. Exoticism: What Are We Really Looking for Online?

GetWab
3 min readSep 6, 2023

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In the realm of online dating, the rules of attraction, connection, and emotional fulfillment seem to be constantly evolving. At the heart of these changes are two core elements: intimacy and exoticism. What do these terms mean, and more importantly, what do they signify in the context of our search for love or companionship online? Let’s delve in.

Intimacy

Emotional Closeness

Intimacy in the context of a relationship often starts with emotional closeness. It’s that unique bond that forms when you can share your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings with someone and know that they will be received with understanding and compassion. Online platforms can offer several ways to establish this, such as deep conversations via messages or heartfelt video calls.

Physical Closeness

While online dating may have its limitations in providing physical closeness, it’s still a goal for many. Intimacy at this level isn’t necessarily sexual; it can mean anything from a warm hug to a loving touch. Virtual meetings often serve as a temporary measure until face-to-face meetings can be arranged.

Spiritual Understanding

A profound level of intimacy comes when you understand your partner at a core level, knowing their strengths, weaknesses, aspirations, and fears. While this takes time to develop, the virtual nature of online dating allows for this kind of dialogue to unfold naturally, giving partners ample time to get to know each other deeply.

Longevity

Intimacy often leads to long-term plans and commitments. People seeking intimacy are usually in it for the long haul, valuing the depth and meaning that come with a lasting relationship.

Exoticism

Novelty

Exoticism brings the zing of the unknown into the equation. It is the antithesis of the familiar and the everyday. Online dating platforms are rife with opportunities to meet people who are completely different from your regular social circle, providing a sense of novelty and excitement.

Adventurism

People drawn to exoticism often have a sense of adventure. Whether it’s dating someone from another culture or engaging in activities that are out of the ordinary, there is a certain level of risk and excitement involved.

Physical Attraction

Sometimes, exoticism can be purely physical, fueled by the allure of “the other,” or the excitement of engaging with someone who is completely different from you in appearance or background.

Short-term Engagement

Often, relationships built on the premise of exoticism are short-lived. The very factors that make them exciting — novelty, risk, physical allure — can also make them unstable or unsustainable in the long term.

Balancing the Two

The challenge in online dating lies in finding a balance between intimacy and exoticism, each of which satisfies different needs and desires. It’s not about choosing one over the other but about understanding what you’re genuinely looking for and how various aspects of each can be fulfilling.

Conclusion

In the end, whether it’s intimacy or exoticism you seek, online dating offers a plethora of options to suit your needs. The key is to understand yourself first. Know what you want, be honest in your profile, and don’t be afraid to stretch your boundaries. In the world of online dating, there’s a fit for everyone.

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